THE WAR ON XMAS

You know, we won't ever find a birth certificate for Jesus of Nazareth, the Christ Child.

You may believe what you want. I personally believe that the story of his birth told in the New Testament is based on historical fact. I believe that he was born in Bethlehem, and that Herod - the local ruler - feared a popular prophesy and ordered the murder of all male children born around the time of Jesus' birth. I believe that three wise men arrvied from the East and identified him as the fulfillment of this prophesy. And I believe his parents protected him by fleeing the region until they felt it was safe to return.

However, no one kept written records of births in those days. And most of whatever records were kept of anything were lost to history. We won't ever know the date on which Christ was born.

In fact, the early Christians didn't know the date either. One thing they did know was that the Holiday Season happened at the end of December and the beginning of January. The Holiday Season? Yes, of course, the Roman Saturnalia. The earliest sunset of any year is near the beginning of December, the shortest day near December 21, and the latest sunrise near the beginning of January. No matter how you look at it, late December is a time when the darkening days of Winter are turning the corner and getting brighter again. In fact, the Romans named January after Janus, the gatekeeper god, who had two faces and looked both forwards and backwards at the same time. January looked back on Winter and forward to Spring. Sounds like a good reason to have a little party.

And that's what the Romans - meaning the people who lived in Rome - did. Every year, they had a great time celebrating the passing of the Winter Solstice and the arrival of longer days. I wasn't there, but I hear things got pretty rowdy. Eating, drinking, and, uh, well, lots of fun.

When Christainity arrived in Rome, the early Christians felt left out when Saturnalia came around. It was a tradition, their own tradition before they were converted. Not like our Christmas trees and mistletoe - those came later from the Druids - but still a tradition.

But there was a solution. Who knew when Christ was born? Nobody! Nobody then, nobody now. And so, why not celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ during Saturnalia? Let's say, December 25. Why not? And so the early Roman Christians could blend in with the pagan feast days of Saturnalia by celebrating the birth of Christ during the same times.

And so, when we celebrate "Christmas" on December 25, it's really a mix of pagan Winter Solstice partying and actual observance of the birth of Christ. But, of course, having gained ten pounds over Christmas last year and having seen the November retail displays, you already had an inkling, didn't you?

So, Happy Holidays seems about right to me.

By the way, if Jesus was born while the shepherds were on the hillsides tending their flocks, he was born in the springtime. That's when lambs are born, and that's why shepherds stay on the hillsides in the springtime, to midwife births if needed. Otherwise, shepherds sleep in beds, not on hillsides. This means Jesus was born in the springtime. Probably he was an Aries, a natural born leader. Of course.